The Only Solution to a Failing Marriage :
Finding a marriage partner of your own choice can certainly pave the way for a successful life, but missing out on that ideal match is far from a failure. In fact, choosing to remain solo rather than settling for the wrong dynamic often unlocks a deeply charming and peaceful existence. Without the friction of an incompatible relationship, life gains a unique sense of tranquility, freedom, and quiet contentment that a forced partnership could never offer.
If you choose a marriage partner you really like, your life will be successful. But if you can't find that right person, life can actually be more charming and peaceful. Staying single is much better than being in a bad relationship. It gives you a quiet, calm life with total freedom and no unnecessary arguments.
Ultimately, there is only one thing that can truly make a married life peaceful: compatibility. A marriage only works smoothly if you find a partner who aligns with you. You should share at least 60% to 70% of the same interests, hobbies, and ideas about life. Without this deep, common ground, keeping the peace becomes an uphill battle.
Therefore, before deciding to marry someone, you must spend quality time with that individual. You should use this time wisely to truly understand the person. It shouldn't just be casual hanging out; it needs to be an opportunity where you keep your questions ready to see if you can move forward. Because of this, an arranged marriage is quite risky, as it rarely gives you the time or opportunity to truly know the person beforehand.
Exactly, because you can't truly read or understand a person in just one go or a single meeting. It takes time to see someone's true personality, and haste always makes waste. Rushing into a decision as massive as marriage without taking that necessary time will only lead to regret later on.
Since we all come from different backgrounds, castes, religions, belief systems, and social classes, you must assure that you and the other person belong to the same social group. If you don't, you will both perceive things differently in daily life, and these conflicting viewpoints will eventually bring destruction to your marriage life.
While your time together is crucial, the conversation should not look like a rigid test or a formal interview. Instead, you should naturally start by learning about the person's belief system, religion, sect, and caste. If these aspects tally with you, go ahead; otherwise, it is best to stop right there and leave. This is deeply related to your beliefs, as the person can be religious, orthodox, moderate, or even agnostic or atheist. If your worldviews do not match, the relationship won't work.
Next, start talking about social responsibility and lifestyle preferences. Find out whether the person likes a joint family or a nuclear family, and whether they love to be in social gatherings or like isolation. Here you can find out whether your potential partner wants to live with your family, parents, and siblings, or not. You can decide right here based on the answers.
Then, explore facts about child preferences, whether the person wants a male or female child, or no child at all. Here you can find the person's true love for children and family. If your desires for a future family do not match, it is a major warning sign.
Similarly, see whether the person is a vegetarian, non-vegetarian, or both. Food habits might seem small, but after marriage, this will be a cause of separation. It is best to know this compatibility upfront.
Now comes a very important part: see whether the person is ambitious, not ambitious, or over-ambitious. You need to know if the person is materialistic, wanting to earn huge money and then accumulate wealth, or if they prefer just simple living. If one person wants a high-paced, wealthy lifestyle and the other wants a simple, quiet life, it will cause constant stress.
You can check some simple things, but they prove crucial in the future, like the person's favorite color, favorite author, or role model. See whether the person loves to keep on updating themselves about world issues and politics, or prefers keeping oneself away from it. Any difference in this aspect can prove fatal in the future.
Similarly, check whether the person loves city or village life, the noise of city life or the calmness of villages. Also, find out whether the person likes to watch movies or not, and music or not. Does the person prefer thriller movies, comedy, horror movies, or romantic ones? Does the person like classical music or pop? If here you are on the same page, this will make your life better.
Here is the final, comprehensive breakdown of these vital traits, moving from simple personality quirks to deep core values, to help you reach that 70% compatibility goal.
Simple Traits to Complex Values
Start by observing the everyday traits and slowly move toward the person's deeper outlook on life:
The Daily Vibe: Notice if the person is loud or soft, talkative or less talkative. Check the person's sense of humor—does the person laugh at the same things you do? Is the person's personality serious or fun-loving?
Social Energy: See if the person is an introvert or an extrovert, self-centered or highly social. Does the person recharge alone, or does the person need constant social interaction?
Emotional and Mental Makeup: Gauge whether the person is sensitive or patient, sympathetic, highly emotional, or tough. See how the person thinks—is the person deeply logical, or does the person rely on hypothetical and imaginative thinking?
The Big Picture: Look at the person's educational qualification and, most importantly, the person's ultimate purpose of life.
Take It Slow and Wise
Remember, this is a matter of life for both of you and your families. Do not rush. Try to read the person slowly, slowly, and wisely. Look at how all these pieces fit together over time. Proceed from simple things to complex things.
The 70% Rule
Your ultimate goal is to find at least 70% compatibility across all these areas. As the old saying goes, birds of a feather fly together. You must check whether you possess the same feathers.
If you find that you are on the same page, you can safely move forward. But if the compatibility is not there, stop here and do not proceed. Forcing a connection where the feathers do not match will only bring destruction to your lives.